#31 On Kindness: If You Care, Educate Yourself

Throughout five frustrating days of dedicated conversations, extensive reading, and research on kindness, I found myself in a web of contradicting viewpoints. And the more I delved into the topic, the more confused and lost I became. However, amidst this perplexity, I’ve learned an important lesson:

If you truly care, educate yourself!

The Kindness Paradox

Kindness appears to be a paradox. Some believe it can make the world a happier place, while others warn that being too kind is dangerous.

Research suggests that individuals who exhibit the highest levels of altruism within a group tend to gain popularity and earn respect from their peers. However, in other contexts, kind people are often perceived as boring and dull.

Furthermore, studies show that acts of kindness positively affect our mental and physical well-being. Kindness can reduce anxiety, blood pressure and even has the power to alleviate physical symptoms like the common cold. So, why does health care rarely discuss the importance of kindness?

The Struggle of Kindness

The contradictory aspects of kindness may stem from a lack of clear definitions and measurements. Different belief systems and educational backgrounds offer slightly different definitions of kindness. Consequently, discussions about kindness often show diverse answers.

Here are a few examples of attempts to explain the meaning of kindness:

Contemporary Research

In very simplified terms, contemporary research suggests that kindness is demonstrated through helpful acts. It involves providing support to others without expecting rewards, even at a personal cost.

Buddhism (Metta)

Practicioners are encouraged to cultivate loving-kindness, friendliness, amity, goodwill, and active interest in others. It teaches the importance of kindness and compassion towards all living beings.

Catholic Church

One Catholic dictionary defines kindness as “the quality of understanding sympathy and concern for those in trouble or need.”

ChatGPT

The ChatBot defines kindness as a positive and compassionate quality characterized by the genuine desire to help, support, or show concern for others. It involves acts of goodwill, empathy, and generosity, often without any expectations of personal gain or reward.

The One Common Denominator

Despite nuanced differences in the definitions of kindness, there is one consistent element:

Being kind requires caring enough to look, see, and try to understand the situation someone is in. It involves taking time to genuinely listen and think about what could be helpful.

What Kindness Is Not

Kindness is not merely giving gifts, tossing a dollar into a beggar's cup, or telling someone what they want to hear. True kindness goes beyond these superficial acts. It involves sharing knowledge, recognizing the person's story, and sometimes telling them what they need to hear, even if it may be difficult.

I genuinely believe that if we start to truly notice each other, to understand where we stand and the situations we face, kindness wouldn't be hard—it would be the logical consequence.

If you care enough to see…

Kindness begins with caring enough to see another person and grows through learning and growing together. Kindness engages both the brain and the heart.

To be kind, you need to acquire enough knowledge to be helpful and enough empathy to know how to help.

If you care enough to see, go the extra mile to understand and learn about the person in need. Educate yourself. Investigate, read, talk, and ask questions to gain a comprehensive understanding of their situation. Show genuine interest and be there to support them throughout their journey.

Head & Heart

Aristotle said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”

When I think about the kind people in my life, those I truly admire, I realize they possess brilliant minds and beautiful souls. This, for me, is the key to genuine kindness.

When I refer to brilliant minds, I'm not talking about diplomas hanging on their walls but rather their way of thinking and ability to learn from their experiences. Kindness becomes a natural result of shared knowledge and values.

What Kindness Means to Me

If I step back and take a broader look at the world, I see numerous disheartening things unfolding around me. Hatred, corruption, wars, deception, mistrust, and injustice.

But when I turn my attention to my own small corner of existence, my home, and my loved ones around me, I see nothing but kindness. It is within these personal connections that my world truly shines and, indeed, becomes a happier place to live.

Conclusion

Kindness may be paradoxical and complex, but if we truly care, the key lies in educating ourselves. By striving to understand and empathize with others, we can foster a kinder world.

Let us embrace the power of seeing and continue to learn and grow together, as this is the essence of genuine kindness.