#40 My Plan To Conquer Fear

I often see myself as a warrior, having faced various challenges and making bold decisions in my life. However, more often than being a warrior, I find myself being a worrier, consumed by concerns. I worry a lot. And about many things. However, worrying is just a result of fear that triggers a sense of danger. So, to worry less, we must tackle fear first.

It's time for a change, and here’s my plan to conquer fear.

First, the Basics

What is Fear, and Why Do We Worry So Much?

Fear is a natural and instinctual human emotion that arises when we perceive a threat or danger. Fear fundamentally wants to protect you by preparing your body and mind to respond to a threat.

It's crucial to understand that this response happens automatically. And responsible for this process is a tiny part of our brain called the amygdala.

Our Fear Center - The Amygdala

The amygdala is a small but crucial part of the brain because it's a key center for handling emotions and connecting them to other brain functions like memory, learning, and your senses.

However, its primary job is to govern fear.

And it does it based on past experiences.

The amygdala pays attention to what you see and hear to figure out what might be dangerous. When it learns something is risky, it makes you feel fear or other similar emotions if you come across it again.

This piece of information is a crucial component of my plan to conquer fear, so please keep it in mind.

Why Do We Worry So Much?

My short and oversimplified answer:

Because we hear and see too much of the wrong things.

It's a vicious cycle. We are inherently attracted to the negative and sensational, constantly on the lookout for potential threats, and the media is well aware of this tendency.

This leads to an excess of negative news reporting.

And that’s not good for our amygdala.

Two Personal Examples That Leave Me Anxious

As mentioned in the beginning, I worry about many things. But to illustrate the power of our unconscious minds, I've chosen two rather absurd examples to show that logic does not help when it comes to fear.

Through this, I also aim to demonstrate the importance of being aware of the information we consume on a daily basis.

We can not control our unconscious minds, but we can certainly influence what we expose them to.

1. The Burning Gas Bottle

Whenever the gas bottle in our kitchen needs replacing, I can’t help but leave the house. It's because my mind fills with images of explosions, shattered glass, and burning curtains.

(Strangely, I'm absolutely fine with my partner being in the house changing the bottle. It's a funny reminder of our inherent selfishness when it comes to survival, as I discussed in my previous article.)

Logically, I’m fully aware that my fear is disproportionate, and I’m clearly overreacting.

But here comes the funny thing:

Our unconscious mind doesn’t care about rationality.

Because my unconscious mind has been bombarded with an alarmingly high number of videos of people rushing out of their homes with burning gas bottles, trying to smother the flames.

Even though my rational mind understands that changing a gas bottle is a routine and safe task, my amygdala has made a rather clear decision after spending too much time on social media. My brain's alarm bell says: Run away. Gas bottles are dangerous.

Thank you very much, Instagram!

2. Horrific Surf Wipeouts

Not too long ago, a friend casually asked me while we were out surfing, "Have you wiped out today?”

It seemed like a straightforward question, but my immediate thoughts revealed more about me than I'd anticipated. My initial reaction was, "Of course not. I'm here to ride waves, not wipe out.”

However, after giving it some time and thought, I realized that I rarely wipeout because my surfing style is too passive and risk-averse, all because I am overly scared.

But what exactly am I afraid of?

Perhaps watching too many videos, like "Worst Wipeouts of the Year" or "Jaws Crazy Wipeouts," coupled with moments in the surf when I felt overwhelmed, “taught” me a strong aversion to falling, wiping out, or taking risks.

The absurd part is that the waves I typically surf are nothing like the ones in those videos. I am terrified of waves that are only head-high, while those surfers in the videos face double overhead barrels above razor-sharp reefs.

Again, while my logical mind knows the difference, my subconsciousness literally makes my body freeze when bigger waves approach, forcing me to pull back instead of committing to the drop.

How To Tackle Fear

Step 1: Identify the root of your fear

This may seem obvious, but it can be more challenging and complex than it appears. To tackle your fear, you must first understand where it comes from.

Step 2: Educate Yourself

Sometimes, fear stems from feeling overwhelmed due to constant information overload. Educating yourself and understanding which information is beneficial versus what makes your anxiety worse will help build your confidence and reduce fear.

Step 3: Learn to Accept Discomfort

Facing our fears will make us feel uncomfortable. Changing our habits and thinking processes is difficult and requires hard work. So it’s best to make peace with the fact that you’ll face some tough times.

My Plan to Conquer Fear

Personally, I've found that identifying my fear is the most challenging aspect of conquering it. It asks you to delve deep into the darkest corners of one's soul to pinpoint the actual root cause.

As it turns out, most of my fears are rooted around the concept of “control.” I feel most at ease when I possess deep knowledge about something when I'm aware of all the details and facts. It makes me believe I am in control.

This is probably the reason why I love Pilates so much.

Pilates teaches you to be in control of your body and your mind.

However, it took surfing for me to realize that control is often an illusion. Yes, I can control the information and environment to which I expose myself, and yes, I can slow down to make more deliberate decisions. But in the end, there’s so much beyond my control.

Surfing is especially challenging for me because I understand that every wave is different. While I can draw from past experiences, I must learn constantly, embrace risks, let go, and trust the wave and myself.

Let Go of The Illusion of Control

I understand that to conquer my fears, I must stop holding onto the false belief that I have complete control over everything in my life.

I must learn to trust, to have faith that I'll be okay even when I don’t have all the answers, and willingly embrace life’s uncertainties.

I need to be okay with the possibility of falling, taking risks, and remaining curious about the outcomes.

Let’s see how many setbacks - and wipeouts - it will take me to learn, reprogram my unconscious mind, and conquer the things I fear.